11:11 am 39 Minutes to Kill. I'm hungry! I'm pretty sure I did well on the exams I took today. The math one, I was absolutely positive of all the answers, except eight.
Dear high school self,
I don't think you understand math. Anyways. What were you saying?
I DON'T WANNA DO MY BIOLOGY EXAM! It's the only one I'm really worried about. Stomach is growling! GRRRR.
JOB WORKS AT DAIRY QUEEN!!! The one by Hip Music Store.. hey, I bet Job goes to Hip Music Store! Guess where I'll be going a lot more often... What is up with Cat's new obsession with this Noel Gallagher instrumental shit?
Wait a second.. just a few months later you claim you are NOT a stalker! What's up with that?
NO GYM FOR A YEAR!! I think all I needed was a year off, you know? Where'd Brie go? There's gotta be some way to get it waivered. 32 Minutes to kill. I'm SOOO HUNGRY!!!! Urf-------------------------------------------------------------
After school I guess I'll be hanging out with Dale to get copies, then we'll watch Mary swim. DAH! Urf. Urf again! What's Joey playing? Oh, solitaire. Solitaire without the real cards SUCKS! NO MORE MATH! This year...
High school self, I am incredibly impressed with your mastery of the English language. Flabbergasted in fact!
6/4/98
8:58 am
I FEEL LIKE SHIT. Any other day I could go to the office, but no, this fucking EXAM day, URGH. Why'd it have to come to this this morning? Why'd I have four or five cream cheese bagels last night and for breakfast? I FEEL LIKE SHIT. Fred keeps blowing the eraser marks. Why doesn't he just wipe them off. I WANNA GO HOME!
So I can tell, high school self, that this is before your true Fred obsession, because generally when you were in the same room with him, you never would have wanted to go home.
--Me:I think I did okay. C+ Maybe. But these cramps are a BITCH & I feel like SHIT.
--T: I think I did decent too. True and False was cool. I knew the cell!
Wait a second, HSS, how are you feeling? Because I can't tell. You used caps lock in handwriting before everyone else realized it was yelling, you were so hard core.
3:59 pm. I'm waiting for the fact that school is out to think in. It feels more like we're out for spring break or something, not 3 months for summer break. It's weird.. last year I didn't get that feeling, but I had a reason--Cedar Point was the next Monday, and I had a pretty full week ahead of me, too. I DO have a full weekend ahead of me.. and Pearl Jam is only 25 DAYS away already..
Well, last day antics: First hour I felt like shit -- total shit.
Oh, thanks for clarifying! I wasn't sure how you felt! I couldn't tell!
Mr. Bananas says, "you look so nervous for the test -- it's not THAT hard!" (I ended up getting a B on it.) I wasn't nervous, I just felt terrible. I couldn't even enjoy my last class with Fred.
Oh, I was wrong. You're still totally predictable, high school self!
I went to the bathroom and felt a little bit better afterwards. When he was done with the quiz, I saw Fred out of the corner of my eye, and for a second I thought that he had my note out.
High school self, what is this note?? What is wrong with you? Seriously? I'm so glad you at least don't have a rough draft (or 20) of this lying around somewhere because for goodness sakes, the thought of this makes me want to throw up in my mouth.
I thought that he had my note out... it was actually a pile of papers, and he dumped it out in the trash bin. I was terrified that my note was in there, but thing was is that I put it between a book and a folder or something.
Whoa whoa! As you would say, high school self, stop the soul train, I'm getting off! How the heck did you sandwich this note in between Fred's book and folder? Was this in his backpack? Was this with some sort of long grippy contraption at his locker? I just don't understand. But frankly, high school self, I don't want to hear about it. So I'm better off not knowing.
Before 6th hour I started giving hugs (that I evoked, but still).
I think you mean invoked. I mean, unless you "produced or suggested through artistry and imagination a vivid impression of reality" in your friends so much that they felt the need to hug you. Or even "elicited or drew forth." (Thanks, www.dictionary.com !) Well, invoke isn't right either, but whatever. And obviously if you are the one giving the hugs then you would have been the one to initiate them. There, initiate. That's the word you should be using. Okay, I'm sorry, I keep giving you such a hard time, you're only 15 years old. What were you saying?
I gave them to Annabelle, Donna, Jill.. then I asked Dan for a hug and he gave me one, and it was weird .. either his arm was long or I'm skinny or something cause he touched my boob. Not like I minded.
I was glowing, bouncing off the walls. I told Cat that I REALLY wanted to hug Fred, and I just couldn't.. I said "DAMN!" because he was way at the end of the hall. I got to the end and he seemed to dissappear. I decided to check his locker to see if he was there, and he was and I started walking to him, but he was with Jebediah Pullenpuff of all people.. well, that's better than him being with a chick. Well, Fred put his backpack on and started walking. "FRED!"
High school self, why did you write this down? I hate it when you yell Fred's name. It's just embarrassing. Anyways...remember what I said before about not wanting to know? This is one of those things.
Fred turned. "How about a hug?" His face twists into these weird contortions and I was sure he'd say "What? No!" But he said "Sure." So I (eagerly, of course) put my arms around him.. he didn't even pat me back! Other people at least give me a tap.. it wasn't quite what I had hoped for. I know I'd really be mad at myself if I hadn't.. it's almost like I can't even remember how it felt.
Hey HSS,
I have a great idea! To punish Fred for that terrible hug, why don't you obsess about him for a few years? Hmm? Sound like a good idea? Seriously though, I wish you could just feel your future embarrassment -- you clearly had no capacity for embarassment at age 15 -- when you connect a few dots and realize that someone you work with is actually really great friends with Fred. In fact, you will cringe about the day that your co-worker realizes that you have this mutual "friend," and you will play it off like you didn't know him very well, but you'll still get this feeling in the bottom of your stomach-- Oh crap! Is he going to ask Fred about me? And you will remember how pitiful you were, and you will try to smile and act normal when your co-worker walks by you in the hall, but you'll still hang your head in a little bit of shame, wondering if he knows about what a nutjob you used to be, and you fear a little that he might think you still are.
Love, Future Self
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