"Beth, now that we have this openness between us, now that we're friends, I have something to admit to you."
Alright, so this self described "aging slacker," this punk rock guy who hates my favorite band, has something he needs to get off his chest. I was expecting something huge: a Neil Diamond fascination? A secret Melrose Place addiction? A Hanson fetish?
"When Third Eye Blind comes on the radio, I don't change the station."
"Uh huh, and your point is?" I stared at him, confused, waiting for something more like, "..and I sing along," or, "..and I pull to the side of the road and start dancing," or something substantial.
Nothing. "Yeah, and..?"
"First, it was Semi-Charmed Life, and then Graduate, and How's It Gonna Be, and now this new one.." he faltered.
"Losing a Whole Year."
"Yeah." Uh huh, sure, oooh, big secret.
I countered that Third Eye Blind was a great band, but her referred to his newfound 3EB love as a "problem."
"That's a problem?" I fumed, and pointed to my cheek, nose and forehead, turned a grotesque bright red by the sun, that everyone else had been pointing at all day. "THIS is a problem!"
Dear high school self,
What a weak and irrelevant ending. I can't believe you got a degree in this crap.
Also, you'll understand exactly what he's talking about when you start to like a few Fall Out Boy songs ten years later. Also, how did you still manage to get another second degree sunburn in 2002? You're a dumbass who doesn't know how to use sunscreen.
Love,
Future self
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Letter to react magazine (trendy national newspaper supplement for teens), March 23, 1998
Comparing Sleater-Kinney to the Go-Go's is almost as insane as comparing Third Eye Blind to Dave Matthews Band (Jan 12-18 issue). I don't see the connection between Go-Go's, with synth-pop no-brainer ditties, and Sleater-Kinney, guitar punk with a seriously anit-mainstream pro-girl attitude. And Third Eye Blind is so far musically from Dave Matthews Band that I don't even see how they can be mentioned on the same page.
High School Self, 15
High School Self, 15
1/24/01 Wednesday
**My senior year, Fred had already graduated and left me no choice but to find other boys to pine over and hurt my hand scrawling about them into the wee hours of the night.. **
about 4:30 p.m. Well, today (as per usual) typified unexcitement. Um, let's see. I got ANOTHER email from Caesar, ha ha.. basically he says he'll DEFINITELY go to my party this year**, and he probably can't go Friday b/c of some ridiculous Math Center bowling whatever crapathon for Paws with a Cause.. sigh. Only he spelled it "Caws." Ha! He's not THAT brilliant! But this really foils my plan to ask him to the dance--ha!
Everything's just so funny to you, isn't it, high school self? I'm just glad LOL was invented yet at the time. Or at least, that you weren't familiar enough with the term to embarrass yourself with it.
Reminds me of Winterfest last year, Gabe not being there, but THEN being at my b-day party AND REJECTING ME! So hopefully, history won't repeat itself...
The rest of the day was whatever... 2nd hour Buzz caught me staring at him like twice, ha ha.. 5th hour Anna dropped by which was nice to see her.. photography was the usual.. after that, Patrina and I came back to school for Karaoke. I thought it was just fantastic when just about a quarter after two, Jasper came out of nowhere -- well, the student section -- after I'd been trying to figure out where he was FOREVER and then stands like 3 feet away from me by the door FOR NO REASON. I thought it was weird, like maybe he'd leave or something, but he didn't.
People standing, that is so weird, high school self. Also, in this part of the entry I talk about ten different people's karaoke songs, but I have no desire to make up fake names for all these people, and it's really not that interesting anyways.. I mean, high school self, you only even wrote one sentence about each song! Surely it wasn't THAT interesting! You even left out the whole controversy of the kid who said "dammit" in front of the whole school and got in trouble with the more conservative teachers at school!
Yeah, it really served no purpose for Jasper to stand by me!
You're STILL on this, Jasper standing thing? Ugh. Come on, high school self.
Except for the fact that he's IN LOVE with me!!
Um. Yeah. That's it. The scary part, high school self is that I can't tell if you're kidding or not, even knowing you as well as I do, although I will say that he was at least nicer to you than Fred ever was. Not that that says much.
Ha! Well, tonight's the hockey game and I REALLY hope I see one of the guys who'll show up shirtless! WHOO-HOO!!
9:36 pm Well, tonight was pretty cool.. we got to the hockey game and I just kept watching the door for shirtless boys, he heh. I got a little mad seeing people like Tom come in w/ their shirts on, but then I saw Mack and Jasper come in. Jasper had this small white shirt on with paint under the sleeves and I was like, YES! Then I saw a girl from my photography class, and then ANDRES sat in FRONT of her!!
(Andres had graduated in the mythical "class of 2000," where I thought that everyone was a God.)
And I said, "This will be the best night of the year!" Well, I wasn't QUITE right, but hey, it was still fun.
I guess my main hormone attack was when Jasper took his vest off. I was like, Oh! Oh! the shirt's comin' next! and it reminded me of last year and Fred's soccer games, ha ha.. but anyway, I got annoyed, because I could tell he was taking off his shirt BUT someone was blocking my view. And THEN he put his vest back on! Aagh! But then we got a goal and some dumbass threw a dildo on the ice and anyone who might've become shirtless got kicked out. Of course I started at Jasper and he DOES have nice buff arms... aah. That guy is so great!
After that it was pretty much lamedom. I guess Damien through ANOTHER dildo on the ice and it was funny because Andres' roommate said "I did it!" and got kicked out, ha ha. Everyone gave him a standing ovation, it was great.
That was pretty much it as far as excitement goes; we won 5-2 and on the way home Ludacris was playing in the car and it was a fun night!
Dear high school self,
You never figured out if it was normal for people to throw dildoes on the ice. Oh, and to make chants and cheers about them. This will befuddle you for years to come. Sure it was funny, but oh high school self, it will look so dumb to you later on.
And you ended up seeing Jasper with his shirt off. He's a runner, not a football player, so it was nothing spectacular.
Love,
Future self.
** Your birthday isn't until MARCH!! What's WRONG with you??
about 4:30 p.m. Well, today (as per usual) typified unexcitement. Um, let's see. I got ANOTHER email from Caesar, ha ha.. basically he says he'll DEFINITELY go to my party this year**, and he probably can't go Friday b/c of some ridiculous Math Center bowling whatever crapathon for Paws with a Cause.. sigh. Only he spelled it "Caws." Ha! He's not THAT brilliant! But this really foils my plan to ask him to the dance--ha!
Everything's just so funny to you, isn't it, high school self? I'm just glad LOL was invented yet at the time. Or at least, that you weren't familiar enough with the term to embarrass yourself with it.
Reminds me of Winterfest last year, Gabe not being there, but THEN being at my b-day party AND REJECTING ME! So hopefully, history won't repeat itself...
The rest of the day was whatever... 2nd hour Buzz caught me staring at him like twice, ha ha.. 5th hour Anna dropped by which was nice to see her.. photography was the usual.. after that, Patrina and I came back to school for Karaoke. I thought it was just fantastic when just about a quarter after two, Jasper came out of nowhere -- well, the student section -- after I'd been trying to figure out where he was FOREVER and then stands like 3 feet away from me by the door FOR NO REASON. I thought it was weird, like maybe he'd leave or something, but he didn't.
People standing, that is so weird, high school self. Also, in this part of the entry I talk about ten different people's karaoke songs, but I have no desire to make up fake names for all these people, and it's really not that interesting anyways.. I mean, high school self, you only even wrote one sentence about each song! Surely it wasn't THAT interesting! You even left out the whole controversy of the kid who said "dammit" in front of the whole school and got in trouble with the more conservative teachers at school!
Yeah, it really served no purpose for Jasper to stand by me!
You're STILL on this, Jasper standing thing? Ugh. Come on, high school self.
Except for the fact that he's IN LOVE with me!!
Um. Yeah. That's it. The scary part, high school self is that I can't tell if you're kidding or not, even knowing you as well as I do, although I will say that he was at least nicer to you than Fred ever was. Not that that says much.
Ha! Well, tonight's the hockey game and I REALLY hope I see one of the guys who'll show up shirtless! WHOO-HOO!!
9:36 pm Well, tonight was pretty cool.. we got to the hockey game and I just kept watching the door for shirtless boys, he heh. I got a little mad seeing people like Tom come in w/ their shirts on, but then I saw Mack and Jasper come in. Jasper had this small white shirt on with paint under the sleeves and I was like, YES! Then I saw a girl from my photography class, and then ANDRES sat in FRONT of her!!
(Andres had graduated in the mythical "class of 2000," where I thought that everyone was a God.)
And I said, "This will be the best night of the year!" Well, I wasn't QUITE right, but hey, it was still fun.
I guess my main hormone attack was when Jasper took his vest off. I was like, Oh! Oh! the shirt's comin' next! and it reminded me of last year and Fred's soccer games, ha ha.. but anyway, I got annoyed, because I could tell he was taking off his shirt BUT someone was blocking my view. And THEN he put his vest back on! Aagh! But then we got a goal and some dumbass threw a dildo on the ice and anyone who might've become shirtless got kicked out. Of course I started at Jasper and he DOES have nice buff arms... aah. That guy is so great!
After that it was pretty much lamedom. I guess Damien through ANOTHER dildo on the ice and it was funny because Andres' roommate said "I did it!" and got kicked out, ha ha. Everyone gave him a standing ovation, it was great.
That was pretty much it as far as excitement goes; we won 5-2 and on the way home Ludacris was playing in the car and it was a fun night!
Dear high school self,
You never figured out if it was normal for people to throw dildoes on the ice. Oh, and to make chants and cheers about them. This will befuddle you for years to come. Sure it was funny, but oh high school self, it will look so dumb to you later on.
And you ended up seeing Jasper with his shirt off. He's a runner, not a football player, so it was nothing spectacular.
Love,
Future self.
** Your birthday isn't until MARCH!! What's WRONG with you??
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
I'm not a stalker! No, really!
7/15/98
I can't get this whole Job fiasco out of my head!! I was rereading the "Meet Job" thing and I mentioned in it how I saw him at the library, then Mustard Plug and Mayfest, and all of the sudden I'm STALKING him!! I fucking explained EVERYTHING in the fucking letter!! I said, "I'm not stalking you or anything, if you don't believe look out your window. See? I'm not there!" And I said I found his address in the fucking PHONE BOOK! And he brought up the fucking video! How'd he even FUCKING KNOW about that damn thing? And the close ups of his butt.. I WASN'T EVEN OPERATING THE FUCKING CAMERA!! AND IT WAS ALL PART OF THE FUCKING MAD BUTCHERS SHOW!!!
I'm so fucking hurt that he could think all of this! URGH!! And I'm so irate about the whole situation and I want to confront him but from personal experience that would only point the finger at me as being the stalker bitch... DAMN CATCH 22 SITUATION!!!!
High School Self:
This entry is so.. I just can't even address this letter to "dear" high school self.
So, you may remember that people constantly accused you of being a stalker, and that you would justify it by saying things like " I'm not stalking him, I was just accidentally at this guy's neighbor's house and ran into the back seat when his family's car pulled up.." Do you remember saying that in 6th grade? I know you do.
So high school self, I gotta be honest with you. In college you'll learn that stalking is repeated, unwanted contact, that often can be eliminated by just telling someone that you don't want them to talk to you anymore. I have to cut you a little slack, high school self.. I think this Job guy was the only one who ever OUTRIGHT told you not to bother him, so from a legal standpoint, he was the only one you stalked, although you did desist after this incident. I think. I don't remember, but hey, it's your consience sister.
Stalking, legally? No, but you're still creepy. Creepy as SHIT. I can't even understand how you think you can justify all of this to yourself. You can say it's your great memory -- although you won't even realize how painful this facet of yourself is until you have to hold back from reciting people's addresses that you saw a couple of times on facebook -- but you have to admit, you're creepy. Creepy as shit.
I'd like to tell you that you'll get over this, and you mostly do. You at least develop a sense of UNDERSTANDING. And most importantly, you completely stop keeping written catalogs of the clothing choices of every boy you like.
With love,
Future self.
I can't get this whole Job fiasco out of my head!! I was rereading the "Meet Job" thing and I mentioned in it how I saw him at the library, then Mustard Plug and Mayfest, and all of the sudden I'm STALKING him!! I fucking explained EVERYTHING in the fucking letter!! I said, "I'm not stalking you or anything, if you don't believe look out your window. See? I'm not there!" And I said I found his address in the fucking PHONE BOOK! And he brought up the fucking video! How'd he even FUCKING KNOW about that damn thing? And the close ups of his butt.. I WASN'T EVEN OPERATING THE FUCKING CAMERA!! AND IT WAS ALL PART OF THE FUCKING MAD BUTCHERS SHOW!!!
I'm so fucking hurt that he could think all of this! URGH!! And I'm so irate about the whole situation and I want to confront him but from personal experience that would only point the finger at me as being the stalker bitch... DAMN CATCH 22 SITUATION!!!!
High School Self:
This entry is so.. I just can't even address this letter to "dear" high school self.
So, you may remember that people constantly accused you of being a stalker, and that you would justify it by saying things like " I'm not stalking him, I was just accidentally at this guy's neighbor's house and ran into the back seat when his family's car pulled up.." Do you remember saying that in 6th grade? I know you do.
So high school self, I gotta be honest with you. In college you'll learn that stalking is repeated, unwanted contact, that often can be eliminated by just telling someone that you don't want them to talk to you anymore. I have to cut you a little slack, high school self.. I think this Job guy was the only one who ever OUTRIGHT told you not to bother him, so from a legal standpoint, he was the only one you stalked, although you did desist after this incident. I think. I don't remember, but hey, it's your consience sister.
Stalking, legally? No, but you're still creepy. Creepy as SHIT. I can't even understand how you think you can justify all of this to yourself. You can say it's your great memory -- although you won't even realize how painful this facet of yourself is until you have to hold back from reciting people's addresses that you saw a couple of times on facebook -- but you have to admit, you're creepy. Creepy as shit.
I'd like to tell you that you'll get over this, and you mostly do. You at least develop a sense of UNDERSTANDING. And most importantly, you completely stop keeping written catalogs of the clothing choices of every boy you like.
With love,
Future self.
The Following Was Sent on a Postcard with Courtney Love's face on it
5/15/95
Ten Club
P.O.B. 4570
Seattle, WA 98104
Dear People,
You numbnads! You suck! I send you a letter calmly explaining my problems with the club and you have the sheer never to send me a postcard asking me to become a member? Well I've got news for you -- I AM A MEMBER!!!!! I'm not even thinking of renewing until I get my Christmas 7".. "postponed"... 6 months?! Those fan club shows in Seattle made me pretty mad too.. people in Seattle get enough good stuff. But that LATE ticket info REALLY got me steamed! Not only do I not have a phone, but tickets always seem to go on sale Thursdays at 10:00 am or something.. WHEN I AM AT SCHOOL! On top of all that, when I called the info line - 3 seperate times - I got a message saying it was "disconnected." Your club is pretty ineffecient. I'll work for it if I can actually get things ON TIME for once!
Signed,
Beth
P.S. Thanks...
P.P.S. For nothing!
Dear middle school self,
Reading the text of this postcard will make you feel like a huge asshole for complaining when they give you a year's free membership and front row tickets to a show at the United Center in Chicago in 1998. And then subsequently you'll see them in the 4th, 2nd and 3rd rows at various other shows, so it's pretty good you weren't a total bitch and renewed your membership.
Oh, by the way, 14 years after this letter, you're still in the Ten Club. Most people kind of think you're a loser for it.
Love,
Future Self
Ten Club
P.O.B. 4570
Seattle, WA 98104
Dear People,
You numbnads! You suck! I send you a letter calmly explaining my problems with the club and you have the sheer never to send me a postcard asking me to become a member? Well I've got news for you -- I AM A MEMBER!!!!! I'm not even thinking of renewing until I get my Christmas 7".. "postponed"... 6 months?! Those fan club shows in Seattle made me pretty mad too.. people in Seattle get enough good stuff. But that LATE ticket info REALLY got me steamed! Not only do I not have a phone, but tickets always seem to go on sale Thursdays at 10:00 am or something.. WHEN I AM AT SCHOOL! On top of all that, when I called the info line - 3 seperate times - I got a message saying it was "disconnected." Your club is pretty ineffecient. I'll work for it if I can actually get things ON TIME for once!
Signed,
Beth
P.S. Thanks...
P.P.S. For nothing!
Dear middle school self,
Reading the text of this postcard will make you feel like a huge asshole for complaining when they give you a year's free membership and front row tickets to a show at the United Center in Chicago in 1998. And then subsequently you'll see them in the 4th, 2nd and 3rd rows at various other shows, so it's pretty good you weren't a total bitch and renewed your membership.
Oh, by the way, 14 years after this letter, you're still in the Ten Club. Most people kind of think you're a loser for it.
Love,
Future Self
Monday, June 22, 2009
This one truly stands on its own
12/8/97 9:33 p.m.
Aaaagh, FUCK JASON! Jason's so dumb. He's pissing me off. I NEVER thought he'd piss me off. Son of a bitch! Bastard! Die die die die JASON! Yawn. Gotta go to Saginaw. Exit 19 - take a right at the blinking yellow, past Dedra's donut house. Heh hehheh. Oh, I got off track. DIE JASON DIE! Asshole.
Aaaagh, FUCK JASON! Jason's so dumb. He's pissing me off. I NEVER thought he'd piss me off. Son of a bitch! Bastard! Die die die die JASON! Yawn. Gotta go to Saginaw. Exit 19 - take a right at the blinking yellow, past Dedra's donut house. Heh hehheh. Oh, I got off track. DIE JASON DIE! Asshole.
The Bachelor
10/19/97 5:17 p.m.
**Special note: This entry written before I included the day of the week of the entry consistently and neurotically)**
Ooooh Bobby! We just saw BOBBY at Tower Records! Ooh, Bobby! Okay, I will now relate to you BOBBY STORY #3 .. OOH BOBBY!
We're in East Lansing. I was pretty much psychotic and saw Donny's balding head in every car on the road. Well, we were heading back to Scott's house, and I'm like "We HAVE to go to Tower!" And Scott said he wanted to look at something, too. Cat & I disbanded, and, like I always do when I go into Tower (not that often), I instinctually and instantly went back to the music mags section. So I'm looking at the categories for the other mags, and Cat's walking ahead of me, and I look back at the zines, and what would you know -- BOBBY!!! I'm like, under my breath, "Cat, it's Bobby, it's Bobby!" We turn around in an immature fit of giggles and into the opposite direction. Needless to say, it was an endless comedy of errors, constantly running from Bobby.
Finally, Cat's mom says, "I'm leaving." So we walk out hesitantly. I made a motion with my hands and said, "Well, Cat, there's another opportunity you let slip through your fingers." Suddenly, as if catching a new confidence, she's like, "That's it. I'm talking to him." She went back in ahead of me, and goes in. She said, "Hey Bobby!" and waved at him. So, here's some random conversation bits:
Me: You know, I was on a field trip over here in Lansing and I saw your mom.
Bobby: Oh really? At the.. thing?
Me: Yeah.
Bobby: How'd you know she was my mom?
Me & Cat: Well, she had the same last name as you..
Me: And then she started talking about how her son had just signed a million dollar record contract and she was passing around a really bad picture of you...
Bobby: Yeah, it figures.
* * * *
Bobby: (Wearing light blue shirt, really weird polyester black pants, perfect white teeth)
Bobby: So, what are you guys doing in Lansing?
Cat: Visiting my brother.
Bobby: What's your brother doing around here?
Cat: He goes to school here.
Me: Actually, Cat called me up and she's like, "Hey Cat--"
Cat: Cat?
Me: "Aaaaah! Hey Beth, I heard that Bobby Guiney is gonna be at Tower Records in East Lansing at (Bobby and I both look at our watches) 4:50 p.m.
Yeah, we totally planned it.
Seriously, that line kind of makes me want to die inside a little bit. - Future self
Bobby: So, did you guys have a good time at the concert?
Me: Definitely.
Cat: Yeah, it was great -- I was almost crying during "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds," it was so good.
Bobby. Wow! Were you guys surprised when we came out?
Me: No.
Cat: I was...
Me: You know the girl who had the bracelet with "I <3>
Bobby: Yeah.
Me: Well, she thru it on stage, and Brad read it..
Cat: But Donny didn't see it.
Me: Yeah.
Bobby: Oh, That's Funny.
Me: Ya Know, I heard your song "Fortunate" and I listened to it, like, 50 times.
Bobby (confuzzled): Really? Where'd you hear it?
Me: Oh.. uh.. (I hadn't forgotten it, my mouth just couldn't form the words).. Radioactive.
Bobby: Oh. (Seemed bitter like they shouldn't have played it)
Cat: Well, we gotta go cause my mom's waiting outside. See you later.
I'm not sure when exactly it happened, but at one point Cat told Bobby "My mom thought you were gay." Little did she know he was married, but would later divorce her and go on a TV show and not find anyone until later on when he becomes an official B-list celebrity. Seriously, though, obviously he was one of the nicest people ever, as he talked to us for way longer than he needed to, and allow me to point out was far nicer to me than Fred EVER was, but maybe that's because I wasn't undressing him with my eyes on a daily basis. I digress.
**Special note: This entry written before I included the day of the week of the entry consistently and neurotically)**
Ooooh Bobby! We just saw BOBBY at Tower Records! Ooh, Bobby! Okay, I will now relate to you BOBBY STORY #3 .. OOH BOBBY!
We're in East Lansing. I was pretty much psychotic and saw Donny's balding head in every car on the road. Well, we were heading back to Scott's house, and I'm like "We HAVE to go to Tower!" And Scott said he wanted to look at something, too. Cat & I disbanded, and, like I always do when I go into Tower (not that often), I instinctually and instantly went back to the music mags section. So I'm looking at the categories for the other mags, and Cat's walking ahead of me, and I look back at the zines, and what would you know -- BOBBY!!! I'm like, under my breath, "Cat, it's Bobby, it's Bobby!" We turn around in an immature fit of giggles and into the opposite direction. Needless to say, it was an endless comedy of errors, constantly running from Bobby.
Finally, Cat's mom says, "I'm leaving." So we walk out hesitantly. I made a motion with my hands and said, "Well, Cat, there's another opportunity you let slip through your fingers." Suddenly, as if catching a new confidence, she's like, "That's it. I'm talking to him." She went back in ahead of me, and goes in. She said, "Hey Bobby!" and waved at him. So, here's some random conversation bits:
Me: You know, I was on a field trip over here in Lansing and I saw your mom.
Bobby: Oh really? At the.. thing?
Me: Yeah.
Bobby: How'd you know she was my mom?
Me & Cat: Well, she had the same last name as you..
Me: And then she started talking about how her son had just signed a million dollar record contract and she was passing around a really bad picture of you...
Bobby: Yeah, it figures.
* * * *
Bobby: (Wearing light blue shirt, really weird polyester black pants, perfect white teeth)
Bobby: So, what are you guys doing in Lansing?
Cat: Visiting my brother.
Bobby: What's your brother doing around here?
Cat: He goes to school here.
Me: Actually, Cat called me up and she's like, "Hey Cat--"
Cat: Cat?
Me: "Aaaaah! Hey Beth, I heard that Bobby Guiney is gonna be at Tower Records in East Lansing at (Bobby and I both look at our watches) 4:50 p.m.
Yeah, we totally planned it.
Seriously, that line kind of makes me want to die inside a little bit. - Future self
Bobby: So, did you guys have a good time at the concert?
Me: Definitely.
Cat: Yeah, it was great -- I was almost crying during "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds," it was so good.
Bobby. Wow! Were you guys surprised when we came out?
Me: No.
Cat: I was...
Me: You know the girl who had the bracelet with "I <3>
Bobby: Yeah.
Me: Well, she thru it on stage, and Brad read it..
Cat: But Donny didn't see it.
Me: Yeah.
Bobby: Oh, That's Funny.
Me: Ya Know, I heard your song "Fortunate" and I listened to it, like, 50 times.
Bobby (confuzzled): Really? Where'd you hear it?
Me: Oh.. uh.. (I hadn't forgotten it, my mouth just couldn't form the words).. Radioactive.
Bobby: Oh. (Seemed bitter like they shouldn't have played it)
Cat: Well, we gotta go cause my mom's waiting outside. See you later.
I'm not sure when exactly it happened, but at one point Cat told Bobby "My mom thought you were gay." Little did she know he was married, but would later divorce her and go on a TV show and not find anyone until later on when he becomes an official B-list celebrity. Seriously, though, obviously he was one of the nicest people ever, as he talked to us for way longer than he needed to, and allow me to point out was far nicer to me than Fred EVER was, but maybe that's because I wasn't undressing him with my eyes on a daily basis. I digress.
The Fateful Counting Crows Concert.. Abridged
7/18/99 Sunday 1:57 a.m.
This will take me FOREVER to write and I'm so SICK of writing but it must be written!
Editor's note: The original entry was 15 pages long. Can you believe that? 15 pages.
Well, first of all, I cut my nails short.
Seriously, HSS? Why did you feel compelled to keep a record of this? We're skipping this paragraph. Oh, you did it AFTER the show, so I guess you get into how "symbolic" this is later on. On page 15 or something. Good God.
I got in line @ 4:50. I felt so out of place -- I mean, I was alone, and a group of 6 was behind me, and the people in front of me were huge out-of-state Crows freaks. It wasn't so bad, time flew by quicker than I was expecting, and I was REALLY glad I had my tape player. I just couldn't EAT the food I had gotten at Walgreen's and when I watched the cars pass I felt dizzy, which was probably because I couldn't EAT! It was a Catch 22 situation.
Yes, being hungry but not being able to eat, how perplexing.
I had figured thought that I'd be alone until at least 6:30 -- nope. At about 5:50 or so guess who I see across the street: Brendon and Fred. I realized just how much I wasn't expecting this to happen and finally when they began to cross the street I sorta waved my arms. I wouldn't have guessed from their responses that I'd be spending most of the next 5 hours with 'em.
Ooops!! Spoiler alert!! OMG, FIVE HOURS!
Fred barely looked at me and Brendon glanced at me and looked away. I was sooo sure they'd just pretend they didn't see me and keep going. Amazingly, they didn't. But Brendon didn't say much more than "Hey, Beth" before he said "Where's Laura?" I said she had a family thing and he asked how long I'd been there, which I did.
Um, you did what? Tell him? INCORRECT SYNTAX! How'd you end up getting a college degree? Come on, HSS.
Fred and him exchanged mumbles (which I'm guessing were along the lines of "I hate her but she's DAMN close," and I told them that I was and had been alone and it would be great if they could join me. Then I said, " I know FRED doesn't want to sit by me."
This is one of those things that just makes me cringe, high school self. It's one of those things that I completely forget happened, and then there it is, in your own handwriting, staring me in the face, making me remember that you were such an awkward, gawky little asshole, high school self.
They exchanged mumbles again and I somewhat gleefully realized that they WOULD be joining me.
And clearly, completely willingly! They were just thrilled!
Brendon sat right next to me -- our legs were touching -- and Fred sat a couple feet away and sprawled out on the sidewalk. Fred would ask questions every now and then ("What's that Adam guy's last name?" "Duritz." He asked that one twice).
Brendon talked to ME more than he did Fred. He mentioned how he had heard Adam Duritz was an "ass" (which ended up being the running joke of the night) and that he went out with Courtney Cox. Fred said, "Didn't she marry that one guy?" **Most of Fred's conversation was relegated to questions** I said "David Arquette?" but mentioned how girls always want to date rock stars. Brendon said to Fred, "Does your cousin get the ladies?" He grunted and I asked who his cousin was.
He was the drummer for a popular band. We certainly don't need any identifying information here, do we?! So then Laura shows up, right high school self? And you reveal that you were bummed you wouldn't be alone with the guys, cause um, you know, it was going so well or something. Pages pass, you give Laura some pictures, etc.
Okay, anyway, Brendon loves "She's All That"..they went to get drinks and Fred got like a "Powerific" bottle and the powerade didn't come out when he tipped it upside down but Brendon's DIDN'T have a cool cap. Of course, it was 50 cents less..Fred started listing off his scars -- ' This one's from hockey, this one's from soccer.' What he said that was REALLY funny was "they better not suck!" He said if they played "10 Spot" he'd be happy.
You know, I think you wrote about this, high school self, because it really showcased Fred's sense of humor and personality. Between the grunts and asking questions over and over again that any person with any sense of pop culture would have already grasped, I mean, the powerade bottle! Watch him move it upside down! That's so crazy! Oh, and his scars, and THEY BETTER NOT SUCK! So witty! Also, how did you not notice that he said he hoped they'd play AN ENTIRE LIVE ALBUM (which was called "Live at the 10 Spot")?
I asked Laura if she caught the replay of the World Cup on ESPN and she apparently caught on for my pathetic ploy for Fred's attention and asked him (after telling me she'd only seen highlights) if he was a big World Cup fan. He responded with something that included the word "suck" and we were both like, WHAT?! Then he bitched about how they had incorrectly done a throw in.
Right, that's what everyone was talking about after women's soccer won the world cup in 1999, the incorrect throw in. Why did you like this guy?! So anyways, you're telling me about the show, and then three pages later...
Adam Duritz came out to introduce the opening band and said that he just wanted to hear cheering now. Brendon was like, "You're an ASS!" and Fred said, "Jerk!" It was so funny! Ha ha. Fred took a pee during one of the opening bands.. hmmm.
Yes, hmm. OMG! He's so like us! He goes to the bathroom.
OH! During the opening band the singer mentioned "Have you ever had a crush on somebody and they don't like you but you'll do anything to get them?" and I just felt REALLY uncomfortable cause it's like, the answer is yes and he's sitting one seat over. Fred totally got into the show; he was just staring at them usually, but he WAS tapping his foot, clapping, and a lot of times he was the first of us to stand up. When the house lights shone on the balcony, he had his arms up. It made me smile.
The show ended on what I considered to be a rather negative note; Brendon said "Gimme My Glasses," they left, that was it. I don't know, it left me with a bad taste in my mouth..
I told Laura how symbolic it was (see! you know we were getting to this symbolism, future self!) that of the nails I'd been "farming" for the show (wow, what a gross term), two were broken at the end. When I got home I took all the polish off and cut them short. I feel like I don't know what I am anymore.
Dear high school self,
You'll never know what you are. But you won't be quite as fucking dramatic about in the future.
Love,
Beth
This will take me FOREVER to write and I'm so SICK of writing but it must be written!
Editor's note: The original entry was 15 pages long. Can you believe that? 15 pages.
Well, first of all, I cut my nails short.
Seriously, HSS? Why did you feel compelled to keep a record of this? We're skipping this paragraph. Oh, you did it AFTER the show, so I guess you get into how "symbolic" this is later on. On page 15 or something. Good God.
I got in line @ 4:50. I felt so out of place -- I mean, I was alone, and a group of 6 was behind me, and the people in front of me were huge out-of-state Crows freaks. It wasn't so bad, time flew by quicker than I was expecting, and I was REALLY glad I had my tape player. I just couldn't EAT the food I had gotten at Walgreen's and when I watched the cars pass I felt dizzy, which was probably because I couldn't EAT! It was a Catch 22 situation.
Yes, being hungry but not being able to eat, how perplexing.
I had figured thought that I'd be alone until at least 6:30 -- nope. At about 5:50 or so guess who I see across the street: Brendon and Fred. I realized just how much I wasn't expecting this to happen and finally when they began to cross the street I sorta waved my arms. I wouldn't have guessed from their responses that I'd be spending most of the next 5 hours with 'em.
Ooops!! Spoiler alert!! OMG, FIVE HOURS!
Fred barely looked at me and Brendon glanced at me and looked away. I was sooo sure they'd just pretend they didn't see me and keep going. Amazingly, they didn't. But Brendon didn't say much more than "Hey, Beth" before he said "Where's Laura?" I said she had a family thing and he asked how long I'd been there, which I did.
Um, you did what? Tell him? INCORRECT SYNTAX! How'd you end up getting a college degree? Come on, HSS.
Fred and him exchanged mumbles (which I'm guessing were along the lines of "I hate her but she's DAMN close," and I told them that I was and had been alone and it would be great if they could join me. Then I said, " I know FRED doesn't want to sit by me."
This is one of those things that just makes me cringe, high school self. It's one of those things that I completely forget happened, and then there it is, in your own handwriting, staring me in the face, making me remember that you were such an awkward, gawky little asshole, high school self.
They exchanged mumbles again and I somewhat gleefully realized that they WOULD be joining me.
And clearly, completely willingly! They were just thrilled!
Brendon sat right next to me -- our legs were touching -- and Fred sat a couple feet away and sprawled out on the sidewalk. Fred would ask questions every now and then ("What's that Adam guy's last name?" "Duritz." He asked that one twice).
Brendon talked to ME more than he did Fred. He mentioned how he had heard Adam Duritz was an "ass" (which ended up being the running joke of the night) and that he went out with Courtney Cox. Fred said, "Didn't she marry that one guy?" **Most of Fred's conversation was relegated to questions** I said "David Arquette?" but mentioned how girls always want to date rock stars. Brendon said to Fred, "Does your cousin get the ladies?" He grunted and I asked who his cousin was.
He was the drummer for a popular band. We certainly don't need any identifying information here, do we?! So then Laura shows up, right high school self? And you reveal that you were bummed you wouldn't be alone with the guys, cause um, you know, it was going so well or something. Pages pass, you give Laura some pictures, etc.
Okay, anyway, Brendon loves "She's All That"..they went to get drinks and Fred got like a "Powerific" bottle and the powerade didn't come out when he tipped it upside down but Brendon's DIDN'T have a cool cap. Of course, it was 50 cents less..Fred started listing off his scars -- ' This one's from hockey, this one's from soccer.' What he said that was REALLY funny was "they better not suck!" He said if they played "10 Spot" he'd be happy.
You know, I think you wrote about this, high school self, because it really showcased Fred's sense of humor and personality. Between the grunts and asking questions over and over again that any person with any sense of pop culture would have already grasped, I mean, the powerade bottle! Watch him move it upside down! That's so crazy! Oh, and his scars, and THEY BETTER NOT SUCK! So witty! Also, how did you not notice that he said he hoped they'd play AN ENTIRE LIVE ALBUM (which was called "Live at the 10 Spot")?
I asked Laura if she caught the replay of the World Cup on ESPN and she apparently caught on for my pathetic ploy for Fred's attention and asked him (after telling me she'd only seen highlights) if he was a big World Cup fan. He responded with something that included the word "suck" and we were both like, WHAT?! Then he bitched about how they had incorrectly done a throw in.
Right, that's what everyone was talking about after women's soccer won the world cup in 1999, the incorrect throw in. Why did you like this guy?! So anyways, you're telling me about the show, and then three pages later...
Adam Duritz came out to introduce the opening band and said that he just wanted to hear cheering now. Brendon was like, "You're an ASS!" and Fred said, "Jerk!" It was so funny! Ha ha. Fred took a pee during one of the opening bands.. hmmm.
Yes, hmm. OMG! He's so like us! He goes to the bathroom.
OH! During the opening band the singer mentioned "Have you ever had a crush on somebody and they don't like you but you'll do anything to get them?" and I just felt REALLY uncomfortable cause it's like, the answer is yes and he's sitting one seat over. Fred totally got into the show; he was just staring at them usually, but he WAS tapping his foot, clapping, and a lot of times he was the first of us to stand up. When the house lights shone on the balcony, he had his arms up. It made me smile.
The show ended on what I considered to be a rather negative note; Brendon said "Gimme My Glasses," they left, that was it. I don't know, it left me with a bad taste in my mouth..
I told Laura how symbolic it was (see! you know we were getting to this symbolism, future self!) that of the nails I'd been "farming" for the show (wow, what a gross term), two were broken at the end. When I got home I took all the polish off and cut them short. I feel like I don't know what I am anymore.
Dear high school self,
You'll never know what you are. But you won't be quite as fucking dramatic about in the future.
Love,
Beth
Friday, June 12, 2009
One for sorrow, two for joy.. three for girls, for for boys
6/5/99 Saturday
8:54 p.m Hmmm... I'm trying to give myself a reality check with this whole Counting Crows thing. So here are some of the worst scenarios/things that could go wrong:
1)Brendon's going out of town that weekend.
2)Brendon and Fred both come but are too preoccupied with some of their stupid pretty female friends.
3)Fred gets a girlfriend by then.
4)Fred gets a girlfriend by then AND she comes along.
5)Fred gets a girlfriend by then AND she comes along AND they make out the whole time.
6)BOTH Fred and Brendon get girlfriends by then and they're ALL making out with each other.
7)Brendon and/or Fred are under the influence of something.
Okay, that's enough of a reality check for me..but here's my "ideal evening"...we all go out to dinner together, we wait in line together, we sit together, I get to sit by Fred, the opening band doesn't suck, I'm not on my period, I'm not annoying at all and Fred tolerates me and even maybe begins to think of me in a positive light and everyone forgets that I'm in love with him, at least temporarily, and then afterwards we all eat somewhere together. THAT would be my ideal night.
I'm really not much different now, all my plans involve eating two meals that are barely two hours apart. Also, I was really obsessed with my period.
OH! and it would be nice if, by then, I've lost some weight and am finally wearing something cute and I finally have a flattering haircut. I must say that I have great expectations for this evening even though I probably shouldn't.. chances are we WON'T be sitting together and we WON'T eat together and Fred won't want to be anywhere near me.. but I can dream can't I?
We were perfect when we started, I've been wondering where we've gone...
Yesterday I felt like complete shit. I'm not really sure if all of this is going to help me get rid of my spare tire, help me lose 25 pounds and become a size 9/10, or most importantly make it so I stop breathing heavily when I just go up a flight of stairs, but it DOES make me feel like I'm actually doing something for once. I must admit that the idea of being a 9/10 gives me stars in my eyes, but I feel like an anorexic or something by saying that.. but I KNOW I'm not fat, I just need to tone up. And I think aspects of my personality need to "tone up" too...I'm telling you, my goal is to come back junior year a new person, inside and out. I don't know how likely that is, exactly, but I am certainly extremely motivated. And who knows, maybe junior year will finally be my first kiss.. it better be! I'll be fucking 17 years old by the end of it!
It's funny, high school self, because what a loser you were. I hate to break it to you, but you're first embarrassed by your grandmother, who says "Sweet 16 and never been kissed!" in front of one of your great aunts, and said great aunt doesn't believe it. Really?! A 16 year old who hasn't been kissed?! How outrageous!
You'll spend so much time and energy daydreaming about your first kiss, and this is how it will happen: with a nice enough guy who your friends think is kind of a douche, but not entirely; he will pull up a rolly chair next to you -- oh, I forgot to tell you, you will GRADUATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL and still have not have kissed anyone. I know, it's terrible, but don't worry, you'll kiss plenty of people eventually. So anyways, he'll pull up a rolly chair to you, tell you some story that's kind of nerdy and boring, and then say, "I bet you want to shut me up by shoving your tongue down my throat." And you'll kiss, just like that. And it will be weird. And one of your friends will pop in the room and throw a condom on the table and it will be so insanely awkward. But at least you've gotten it out of the way! And you only had to wait until age 18 and a 1/2 at that!
Really, though, he's a nice guy. As it turns out, he's in love with a girl that you later meet and think is awesome, and you'll feel rejected, but a few years later, he'll get a crush on you, and he's still a nice guy, but doesn't that feel good, to finally be the one with the upper hand?
8:54 p.m Hmmm... I'm trying to give myself a reality check with this whole Counting Crows thing. So here are some of the worst scenarios/things that could go wrong:
1)Brendon's going out of town that weekend.
2)Brendon and Fred both come but are too preoccupied with some of their stupid pretty female friends.
3)Fred gets a girlfriend by then.
4)Fred gets a girlfriend by then AND she comes along.
5)Fred gets a girlfriend by then AND she comes along AND they make out the whole time.
6)BOTH Fred and Brendon get girlfriends by then and they're ALL making out with each other.
7)Brendon and/or Fred are under the influence of something.
Okay, that's enough of a reality check for me..but here's my "ideal evening"...we all go out to dinner together, we wait in line together, we sit together, I get to sit by Fred, the opening band doesn't suck, I'm not on my period, I'm not annoying at all and Fred tolerates me and even maybe begins to think of me in a positive light and everyone forgets that I'm in love with him, at least temporarily, and then afterwards we all eat somewhere together. THAT would be my ideal night.
I'm really not much different now, all my plans involve eating two meals that are barely two hours apart. Also, I was really obsessed with my period.
OH! and it would be nice if, by then, I've lost some weight and am finally wearing something cute and I finally have a flattering haircut. I must say that I have great expectations for this evening even though I probably shouldn't.. chances are we WON'T be sitting together and we WON'T eat together and Fred won't want to be anywhere near me.. but I can dream can't I?
We were perfect when we started, I've been wondering where we've gone...
Yesterday I felt like complete shit. I'm not really sure if all of this is going to help me get rid of my spare tire, help me lose 25 pounds and become a size 9/10, or most importantly make it so I stop breathing heavily when I just go up a flight of stairs, but it DOES make me feel like I'm actually doing something for once. I must admit that the idea of being a 9/10 gives me stars in my eyes, but I feel like an anorexic or something by saying that.. but I KNOW I'm not fat, I just need to tone up. And I think aspects of my personality need to "tone up" too...I'm telling you, my goal is to come back junior year a new person, inside and out. I don't know how likely that is, exactly, but I am certainly extremely motivated. And who knows, maybe junior year will finally be my first kiss.. it better be! I'll be fucking 17 years old by the end of it!
It's funny, high school self, because what a loser you were. I hate to break it to you, but you're first embarrassed by your grandmother, who says "Sweet 16 and never been kissed!" in front of one of your great aunts, and said great aunt doesn't believe it. Really?! A 16 year old who hasn't been kissed?! How outrageous!
You'll spend so much time and energy daydreaming about your first kiss, and this is how it will happen: with a nice enough guy who your friends think is kind of a douche, but not entirely; he will pull up a rolly chair next to you -- oh, I forgot to tell you, you will GRADUATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL and still have not have kissed anyone. I know, it's terrible, but don't worry, you'll kiss plenty of people eventually. So anyways, he'll pull up a rolly chair to you, tell you some story that's kind of nerdy and boring, and then say, "I bet you want to shut me up by shoving your tongue down my throat." And you'll kiss, just like that. And it will be weird. And one of your friends will pop in the room and throw a condom on the table and it will be so insanely awkward. But at least you've gotten it out of the way! And you only had to wait until age 18 and a 1/2 at that!
Really, though, he's a nice guy. As it turns out, he's in love with a girl that you later meet and think is awesome, and you'll feel rejected, but a few years later, he'll get a crush on you, and he's still a nice guy, but doesn't that feel good, to finally be the one with the upper hand?
9/17/98 - 2 Lines
9/22/98-1 Line
9/24/98-4 Lines
9/27/98-2 Lines
9/30/98-5 Lines
*10/5/98-14 Lines
11/13/98 - 2 Lines
11/15/98 -2 Lines
11/17/98-10 Lines
11/18/98-2 Lines
11/20/98-4 Lines
11/21/98-2 Lines
11/23/98-1 Line
11/24/98- 1 Line
You get the basic idea.
Now, imagine that this repeats over and over, following near to this date pattern and frequency of line listings. Imagine that it takes up two columns on unlined paper, and that some entries look like this:
:) 1/27/99-11 Lines
And that some entries are circled and say things like this:
*3/17/99 - 82 Lines
And that the list continues until:
6/5/99-17 Lines
High School Self, how long did it take me to look at this piece of paper, carefully folded into Journal #75, and remember that each item (of approximately 250) referred to how many lines in a particular journal entry were devoted to Fred, and that the * meant that you had talked to him, and that the :) meant that you had talked to him and it was positive (there were only two of those), and imagine my horror when I got to the end of the list:
1,750 6.7%
Yes, high school self, you spent what was likely a number of hours to determine that you had written 1,750 lines in your notebooks about Fred, which was a total of 6.7% of actual journal real estate.
And I can gaurantee you that you looked at this piddly number the next day and said to yourself, I'm not obsessed with Fred! I only spend 6.7% of my ink writing about that guy! I'm pretty awesome!
Then maybe the next day, as you may remember doing, high school self, you stopped mentioning him at school and started keeping tick marks on your hand for every time someone ELSE brought it up, because after all, you weren't the one with the obsession!!
Good news, high school self. Now you fill sheets of unlined paper with crazy numbers and dates and symbols, but this time you're trying to arrange your finances and get yourself out of debt, so that makes it at least a little better. Right?
Love, Future Self
9/22/98-1 Line
9/24/98-4 Lines
9/27/98-2 Lines
9/30/98-5 Lines
*10/5/98-14 Lines
11/13/98 - 2 Lines
11/15/98 -2 Lines
11/17/98-10 Lines
11/18/98-2 Lines
11/20/98-4 Lines
11/21/98-2 Lines
11/23/98-1 Line
11/24/98- 1 Line
You get the basic idea.
Now, imagine that this repeats over and over, following near to this date pattern and frequency of line listings. Imagine that it takes up two columns on unlined paper, and that some entries look like this:
:) 1/27/99-11 Lines
And that some entries are circled and say things like this:
*3/17/99 - 82 Lines
And that the list continues until:
6/5/99-17 Lines
High School Self, how long did it take me to look at this piece of paper, carefully folded into Journal #75, and remember that each item (of approximately 250) referred to how many lines in a particular journal entry were devoted to Fred, and that the * meant that you had talked to him, and that the :) meant that you had talked to him and it was positive (there were only two of those), and imagine my horror when I got to the end of the list:
1,750 6.7%
Yes, high school self, you spent what was likely a number of hours to determine that you had written 1,750 lines in your notebooks about Fred, which was a total of 6.7% of actual journal real estate.
And I can gaurantee you that you looked at this piddly number the next day and said to yourself, I'm not obsessed with Fred! I only spend 6.7% of my ink writing about that guy! I'm pretty awesome!
Then maybe the next day, as you may remember doing, high school self, you stopped mentioning him at school and started keeping tick marks on your hand for every time someone ELSE brought it up, because after all, you weren't the one with the obsession!!
Good news, high school self. Now you fill sheets of unlined paper with crazy numbers and dates and symbols, but this time you're trying to arrange your finances and get yourself out of debt, so that makes it at least a little better. Right?
Love, Future Self
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
June 2, 1999
9:03 p.m. Yay, My period started. Party fun time. I attempted to lay off fat foods (hamburgers, cream cheese) and traded them in for also-fat-but-not-QUITE-as-bad dishes like crispy chicken and subs. Of course, just think if I get REALLY bad cramps tonight, I ultimately don't have to go to school tomorrow! But I hope I don't because I DO want to go to school tomorrow (and besides, cramps suck royally).
Hmm, so let's see...today...school..last real exam... not a whole lot to say. I got a picture of Brian* and Dave*, we watched "A Bug's Life," the class was over. I saw Brendon* and Fred* both for brief moments before 6th hour, and Fred passed me in the hall. I can't even remember what pants he was wearing! I think they were khakis, but that's what he was wearing YESTERDAY, so maybe I'm just confused, but hey, he DOES have the tendency to wear pants frequently, as in within a week.. I missed him on the way out, despite my leaving early, but I did catch Brendon waiting outside. I really hope Brendon decides to show up tomorrow, but I can certainly see it going either way. I mean, I didn't think he'd so much as be here TODAY, but hmmm...
After school, I went to Grandma's and then the library, where I discovered that the Verve Pipe is doing shows on JULY 30TH AND 31ST which are like only TWO DAYS before the MIPA conference! Oh well, I CAN'T WAIT THAT LONG!!! URGH! But I might be hanging out with Baron Stambula on Saturday, which should be pretty cool.. as long as my period isn't excessively heavy...
The backs of my calves are VERY sore. As in I can barely WALK sore.. hopefully they'll be morning .. watch. I'll wake up tomorrow morning feeling like absolute and total shit; I can feel it already...grunt. I STILL want to get a pic of Fred. I wrote "with" and I wonder if that was a Freudian slip...
Tomorrow is breakfast with the seminar gang as well as hanging w/ Lauren in the afternoon..but hopefully this workout thing will decrease my regular menstrual pain and help me with my period! If it doesn't I'll still have fucking sore legs eh? WHATEVER HAPPENED to my starburst?
****
Dear high school self,
Hey dumbass, fried chicken is probably worse for you than hamburgers.
Also, in the future you'll get on birth control and quit bitching so much about your periods. But it's okay, I don't trust anything that bleeds for 7 days and doesn't die.
With love,
Future self
Hmm, so let's see...today...school..last real exam... not a whole lot to say. I got a picture of Brian* and Dave*, we watched "A Bug's Life," the class was over. I saw Brendon* and Fred* both for brief moments before 6th hour, and Fred passed me in the hall. I can't even remember what pants he was wearing! I think they were khakis, but that's what he was wearing YESTERDAY, so maybe I'm just confused, but hey, he DOES have the tendency to wear pants frequently, as in within a week.. I missed him on the way out, despite my leaving early, but I did catch Brendon waiting outside. I really hope Brendon decides to show up tomorrow, but I can certainly see it going either way. I mean, I didn't think he'd so much as be here TODAY, but hmmm...
After school, I went to Grandma's and then the library, where I discovered that the Verve Pipe is doing shows on JULY 30TH AND 31ST which are like only TWO DAYS before the MIPA conference! Oh well, I CAN'T WAIT THAT LONG!!! URGH! But I might be hanging out with Baron Stambula on Saturday, which should be pretty cool.. as long as my period isn't excessively heavy...
The backs of my calves are VERY sore. As in I can barely WALK sore.. hopefully they'll be morning .. watch. I'll wake up tomorrow morning feeling like absolute and total shit; I can feel it already...grunt. I STILL want to get a pic of Fred. I wrote "with" and I wonder if that was a Freudian slip...
Tomorrow is breakfast with the seminar gang as well as hanging w/ Lauren in the afternoon..but hopefully this workout thing will decrease my regular menstrual pain and help me with my period! If it doesn't I'll still have fucking sore legs eh? WHATEVER HAPPENED to my starburst?
****
Dear high school self,
Hey dumbass, fried chicken is probably worse for you than hamburgers.
Also, in the future you'll get on birth control and quit bitching so much about your periods. But it's okay, I don't trust anything that bleeds for 7 days and doesn't die.
With love,
Future self
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