I'm not a stalker! No, really!

7/15/98
I can't get this whole Job fiasco out of my head!! I was rereading the "Meet Job" thing and I mentioned in it how I saw him at the library, then Mustard Plug and Mayfest, and all of the sudden I'm STALKING him!! I fucking explained EVERYTHING in the fucking letter!! I said, "I'm not stalking you or anything, if you don't believe look out your window. See? I'm not there!" And I said I found his address in the fucking PHONE BOOK! And he brought up the fucking video! How'd he even FUCKING KNOW about that damn thing? And the close ups of his butt.. I WASN'T EVEN OPERATING THE FUCKING CAMERA!! AND IT WAS ALL PART OF THE FUCKING MAD BUTCHERS SHOW!!!

I'm so fucking hurt that he could think all of this! URGH!! And I'm so irate about the whole situation and I want to confront him but from personal experience that would only point the finger at me as being the stalker bitch... DAMN CATCH 22 SITUATION!!!!

High School Self:
This entry is so.. I just can't even address this letter to "dear" high school self.
So, you may remember that people constantly accused you of being a stalker, and that you would justify it by saying things like " I'm not stalking him, I was just accidentally at this guy's neighbor's house and ran into the back seat when his family's car pulled up.." Do you remember saying that in 6th grade? I know you do.

So high school self, I gotta be honest with you. In college you'll learn that stalking is repeated, unwanted contact, that often can be eliminated by just telling someone that you don't want them to talk to you anymore. I have to cut you a little slack, high school self.. I think this Job guy was the only one who ever OUTRIGHT told you not to bother him, so from a legal standpoint, he was the only one you stalked, although you did desist after this incident. I think. I don't remember, but hey, it's your consience sister.

Stalking, legally? No, but you're still creepy. Creepy as SHIT. I can't even understand how you think you can justify all of this to yourself. You can say it's your great memory -- although you won't even realize how painful this facet of yourself is until you have to hold back from reciting people's addresses that you saw a couple of times on facebook -- but you have to admit, you're creepy. Creepy as shit.

I'd like to tell you that you'll get over this, and you mostly do. You at least develop a sense of UNDERSTANDING. And most importantly, you completely stop keeping written catalogs of the clothing choices of every boy you like.

With love,
Future self.